55: Recovery
The room smelt stuffy, full of dirt and sweat. The odour worsened throughout the week and Mingzhu fought to escape. Physicians found her at different places on the ground each day, obviously trying to flee the confinement despite being so weak. She felt like an animal trying to be tamed as a pet.
On the first day after the execution, she refused to have medicine for her fever and argued the bland diet of garlic sufficed. In the woods, Master lived on it during sickness and survived for years. Yet, Disung, along with the physician, harassed her until she gave him and drank the medicinal concoctions. The fever, which controlled her senses like a puppet, subsided after three days. During this, time blurred together from unpredictable sleeping periods. By the end of the week, Mingzhu felt sore but strong enough to go outside. This was unpermitted, of course, but she left her care behind in the room.
A vibrant, blue sky greeted her with fluffy white clouds rolling into waves on the horizon. The sun warmed her skin and she breathed in the sweet air. The slight chill, warning of the upcoming winter, made her feel alive. She looked at Lady Gaze with a great smile. Fresh air cures the soul, Master always said. He was right. Mingzhu felt infinitely better among nature. She whistled along with birds as she took slow steps into the garden, leaving Disung’s chambers, where she recovered, far behind. The pain in her abdomen could not stop her, despite her wincing and groans. A dark bruise stretched across her lower stomach, from all the punches in prison, and cried out over every small movement. Mingzhu ignored this, determined to journey onwards.
A man blocked her path and stood under an arbour. Vines crept around the cracks between planks of wood and onto the roof, making it part of the garden instead of a feature. Wilting leaves of autumn and flower petals swirled around the figure, catching the light of the soft sun. The scene appeared worthy of a painting. Disung looked undeniably handsome, his brown hair casually secured in a bun and his muscles bulging against his robes. She admired him for a brief moment and a blush brightened her pink cheeks. Bashful and embarrassed, she turned around to leave. However, in the haste to flee undetected, she carelessly stepped on dying leaves and twigs with a crunch.
“It is irresponsible to freely roam the palace after nearly being beheaded,” Disung called, catching Mingzhu.
A grin lit up his face but the imprint of his brooding came from a wrinkled line on his forehead. The sudden cheery expression didn’t hide his sorrow-filled eyes which swept across the glistening water and withering plants. It felt taboo to see him in upset.
“I will permit it because you are so desperate to see me.”
“Do not confuse your own desires with mine,” Mingzhu snapped but the viciousness lacked in her voice as she approached.
During the fever, she came to a harsh realisation; she was in love with him. The damn kiss in prison replayed in her head so often she was almost convinced it happened more than once. Then, as days passed, she discovered her yearning for his lively presence and carefree attitude. She missed him. It seemed ridiculous and these new emotions scared her. Even now, a smile threatened to appear because of their meeting which was unlike her.
“I wondered how long it would take for you to sneak away. A whole army couldn’t confine you anywhere.”
“They would be dead if they tried.”
“The cleaning would be horrendous. The maids always complain it takes them hours to remove blood from my clothes.”
“Try scrubbing it yourself using stones in the heat of day. Then you can complain.”
The warm, deep tone of Disung’s laughter filled the air. Mingzhu didn’t understand what he found funny but couldn’t resist giving a small smile at the pleasant sound. The garden grew in vibrancy, sharing her feeling. More warm hue flora had invited themselves to the end of the season and would last longer than other years; winter remained slow to arrive in Shanhe.
“I missed your blunt replies.”
“Why is everyone staring at you?” Mingzhu asked, ignoring his comment. She noticed maids, eunuchs and nobles glance in their direction from afar, then whisper. It irked her. “You haven’t grown uglier since I last saw you.”
Disung chuckled. “The great Ànshù has a lover. That is true, valuable gossip. Then, to add more drama, she is a servant and carries his child. It would be stranger if I got no attention.”
“The child was an unnecessary lie,” Mingzhu snarled. “Was it really worth all the trouble?”
“Every single second,” Disung replied with a wink. “I am hurt you cannot see my true feelings.”
“Stop spouting nonsense. This is not a time to joke.”
“The worst circumstances make for the best jokes.”
“Have the council and emperor agreed to banish me?” Mingzhu asked, leaning against the arbour. “They will not want their mistake to remain in the palace.”
“Not yet. There have been no meetings to discuss it. The emperor keeps disappearing and insists he is too busy for mundane affairs. A few councilmen believe he is avoiding the shame of his mistaken Fox execution. Until his order, you are permitted to stay. No one dares to do anything to you while I am by your side now. Many learnt to stay away by watching those that tortured you.”
“Did you do something to them?” Minghu asked. Did he avenge her? The notion made a pleasant feeling cover her like warm honey.
Disung smirked. “I may have given them a limp or two.”
“Then your reputation as Ànshù remains true.”
“And your reputation has flourished. I have seen a few entertainers use the trick of a missing tongue in their performances. They are quite amusing. We should see it together when you fully recover. I will pay for whatever food you desire during our outing.”
Mingzhu lost her words. Her tongue went missing, like it had been cut off and turned useless like in the plays he told. Instead, her heart answered and beat at a rapid rate. It pushed more blood around her body, turning her red like a flower. It sounded like Disung was courting her. The fever has made you foolish, she thought but the giddiness did not die inside her. A curse is still a curse. Remember your place.
“How did you stop them cutting out your tongue?” Disung asked.
“A master never reveals their secrets.”
“Please? I will tell you how to shatter a man’s wrist in one movement in exchange. Otherwise, think of me as an apprentice admiring a master. Confide in me.”
The guards switched duties, providing an opening for at least ten minutes. Three men entered the cell, wearing black and covering their faces. In normal circumstances, Mingzhu could have taken them on but in her state, she was far too weak. No wonder Jiang stood no chance.
Pretending to restlessly sleep to ambush the men, Mingzhu relied on her hearing to calculate when to move. Two of them came close to her while the other footsteps grew softer in sound, indicating he guarded the entrance into the room.
“Ugly, isn’t she?”
“Maybe she has talents in bed for Ànshù to be so interested.”
“If only we had more time then we could see if it were true.”
“I can finish fast.”
“The emperor will have your head if we get caught. Focus on the instruction.”
Mingzhu opened her eyes and jumped up to attack. It caught the men off-guard and when they registered what happened, one landed on his back, winded, while the other battled against the woman. Each punch he threw, she dodged underneath and around, fluidly moving like a river. Then, she hit his jaw by using a wickedly flexible kick. His head bobbled and he struggle to continue.
The fight became repetitive and the soldier showed his ability limited to novice, since he relied on the same combination of hits to attack his opponent. Mingzhu dodged under one particular punch and instead of creating distance, entered his personal space. She jabbed him three times, then ducked under and popped up behind him, dragging his arm with her. After a few jabs to his side torso, he crumpled on the floor, moaning. The winded soldier came at her then, with great ferocity thrown in every hit or kick.
Energy died in her muscles. A few times, cartwheels or flipped handstands failed from the injuries of the night. The soldier easily shoved her to the ground. With this disadvantage, she got a few harsh kicks to her already bruised ribs and stomach. The intense pain nauseated her. She needed to be smarter to end this quickly.
“Do you need help?” The man on guard asked anxiously.
“Ignore us and keep watch!”
The men underestimated her. No one before had been trained to defend themselves so they only carried a knife to cut the tongue. Mingzhu eyed the weapon in the darkness and launched at its owner, as the men charged at her.
She ran up one man’s body within a few steps and propelled off him – which threw him backwards – then spun around mid-air for her foot to collide with the other soldier while plummeting to the ground. The sideways kick landed perfectly and the enemy turned motionless. This left some time with the other soldier. He swung at Mingzhu, hitting her shoulder and attempted to tackle her to the floor. Taking opportunity of his wider stance, Mingzhu riskily slid between his; the blood from the fight and torture helped reduce friction and let her glide. During this, she yanked on his robe and tugged him towards the ground. He fell head first.
Before he could do anything, she jumped on his back and restrained his neck, blocking the flow of oxygen. It almost didn’t work; Mingzhu was petite and small while the man had a solid build and tall physique. One. Two. Three… Mingzhu counted in her head and only took a full, relieved breath when the man became limp. Now, for the knife.
“Argh!” Mingzhu ground out, exasperated.
She lost sight of the blade. This man did not hold it in his belt and the groan from his companion warned she had no time to search. Adrenaline would leave her almost as lifeless as a doll. There was only one, bloody option to do before that happened.
In desperate times, prisoners committed suicide by biting off their tongue and relying on either blood loss or choking to succumb to death. Mingzhu needed to force this man to do this in the same, messy manner. She lifted his floppy head up – leaving his bottom jaw linger on the ground – and gingerly pulled his tongue out, then slammed his top jaw back down on the tongue. The man startled and Mingzhu used all her strength to keep going. With a final disgusting sound, the man’s tongue tumbled onto the floor, cut by his own teeth. Mingzhu shoved the squishy thing into her own mouth. The sensation of the foreign body part and someone else’s blood made her gag. No kicks to the stomach sickened her as much as this. Yet, she persevered.
The other man ripped her off his friend and shoved her to the corner of the cell, withdrawing his dagger. Mingzhu gave up the fight and watched as the soldier on guard joined his comrade. The man pinned her to the ground, yanking her mouth open to slice her open. In that critical moment, she coughed out the tongue and blood that wasn’t her own.
The beaten man laughed and the other on guard walked over to the unconscious man, unknowingly missing a tongue, and carried him. “This sly rookie. He must have cut it out while we weren’t looking. When he wakes, we must drink to celebrate!”
“The emperor and Miss Ju wish you luck tomorrow, slave.”
Mingzhu shook the memory away. “I stole their tongue when they were distracted. That is all. You would have fared better than I.”
“Whose blood did you write the letter in?”
A pregnant silence fell between them. Finally, Mingzhu found her voice. “You read it?”
“No sane man would send a scroll of unknown contents to a mysterious person, in an unusual way. If I was not already curious, the smell made me wonder. I pity the person who received it.”
Did he connect it? Did he know? Mingzhu’s gut dropped. The letter had been a desperate attempt to reach Master and prepare for the future. The need to repay her debts felt overwhelming once she accepted death. She wanted to die knowing forgiveness.
“Only writing ‘I am compromised’ is clever. No one can decipher who the letter is for and what will happen from it. I suspected it was for the mountain clan so imagine my surprise when the rogue Fox showed up on your execution.”
Oh no, she thought in dismay. Here come the questions.
“Mingzhu, you can’t avoid telling my everything. Look what’s happened. You never told us that Ju Xiaoli despised you and as such, we couldn’t fight for you. The secrets are bothering us all and we can’t help if we don’t know. Joaolong already suspects… Mingzhu, you need to be truthful and it must start here… Are you the Fox?”
With those eyes locked on her, silently pleading, Mingzhu knew she did not have the strength to lie. His hatred scared her, far more than the mountain clan. She could not remember when she cared so much but it was why she withheld her past. He was part of the mountain clan. He can learn. Fa Biming will allow it, she convinced herself. Yet, this did not settle her worry. He made his loathing for the Fox clear as crystals. No matter if she spoke or not, he would not forgive her.
“I’m not the Fox but I am as well.”
Disung’s lips twitched. His body tensed. “Explain.”
“The Fox was never rogue. The rumours began because he appeared in random villagers across the kingdoms. He was searching for something. To this day, he remains part of the mountain clan.
“I came to the Lotus Palace to serve the mountain clan, to repay my debts. The plan was to remind the royalty of both kingdoms that the Masked Masters continue their watch over them. My role was to report the happenings in the palace.”
“You sold yourself to slavery.”
Mingzhu pressed her lips together. “I deserve worse than a life serving others.”
“But how does this make you the Fox?” Disung ground out, the anger present in his gruff tone.
“I impersonated him. It was me who put the token on the Divine Gate, it was me who gave Zhao Cheng a token, it was me who threatened the emperor, it was me who gave Senior Lin a proper farewell and it was me who was supposed to kill Hong Weishan at the Moon Festival.”
“That means… I fought you when the Fox first appeared in the palace.”
“Yes,” Mingzhu gulped. Why were her hands shaking? Why did she want to run? If she acted pathetic like this over the Fox, she would not be able to give him the truth about their twisted past.
“Did you destroy Joaolong’s garden before the hunt?” Disung asked and Mingzhu nodded. “Why?”
“To warn you to stay away. The mountain clan needed to use Zhao Cheng and if Wang Joaolong, who has renowned intelligence, helped him in some way to remove our blackmail methods, then it would ruin our plan.”
“This is… wow. Well, I owe Joaolong a fully paid trip to the dance house or something. He was right about you being the Fox.”
“I am not the real Fox.”
“Ah so I might get my money back,” Disung said, attempting to hide his frustration and confusion. “Then the real Fox—”
“Should not have saved me. My death was pre-determined since I received my mission. He was not meant to interfere. I was ready to die and take the new emperor with me.”
Something changed in Disung’s expression. The anger vanished and he looked at Mingzhu with something else in his eyes. Pity? Despair? She hated it.
“All these months, you waited for death?”
I am a curse. “It benefits all.”
“Stop!” Disung demanded and suddenly, held her face in his calloused hands. The warmth seeped into Mingzhu’s skin and she struggled to fight against it. “Stop it. Please. Do not speak like your life is invaluable.”
My name is Bai Mingzhu. I am a curse. The memory of the lifeless bodies of the mountain clan placed side by side haunted Mingzhu. I am worth nothing. She killed so many people. Why did everyone still speak about her worth? First Ying, then Master and now Disung. A simple grain of sand at the shore was worth more than she.
“You should hate me.” The words slipped out through a crack in Mingzhu’s lips.
“I don’t.”
“That is because you know nothing,” Mingzhu replied and pulled away from his embrace. “You don’t know what I did to you all those years ago. Your father… The reason why he—”
“Fa Huian!” Tai shouted. He emerged from Disung’s chambers and searched the edge of Lady Gaze in panic. “Fa Huian! Fa Huian!”
“I best go,” Mingzhu quickly said, pouncing to avoid her confession. “Otherwise they will give me more medicine.”
“Mingzhu.”
“Yes?”
“I am glad you are recovering.”
The words broke her heart. During their next meeting, she swore to reveal everything.
“You shouldn’t be.”